Look Back
by MrsMaggieThornton
Summary: John Thornton and Margaret Hale part from each other, maybe for the last time.
1. Chapter 1

'Look back! Look back at me!'  
Thornton returned to his house. His mind was full of rush thoughts and loud noises. She was gone forever. He had lost her. For the first time in his life, he had love, and now lost. Should he follow her? Should he forget her? Is she gone really, forever? What should he do?  
Mrs. Thornton looked at him with great sorrow. She knew his heart for long and could feel his suffering. "You must let her go", she said in her deep and firm voice. He laid his hand upon her shoulder, "She was never mine to lose, mother." He was determined to wipe her from his mind, but everything reminded him of her. That same room was the one in which he observed her at the party, when he wanted to be near her. His office had her shadow since the first day they had met. Even the workers, her friends, made him think of her. What should he do?

-  
Inside the carriage, Margaret cried. All her sorrows suddenly became monsters inside her head. She knew her aunt would never let her return to Milton. The way Mr. Thornton looked at her when they parted crushed her heart. She knew his feelings well enough to know his sufferings, and by now she was learning to know her own heart, and it was suffering. She could never look back at him as he did at the party, otherwise her heart would lead her to do something foolish. Margaret remembered every sight of Thornton, every movement, every word. They had quarrelled but she was learning how to love Milton, and now he was gone forever. What should she do?


	2. Chapter 2

At that night, John tried to sleep. He kept himself busy during that gloomy afternoon, running errands, talking to workers, managing his stock. However, while he laid on his bed, her image haunted him. Her smiles and her frowns, her touch and smell, all her self was present in his mind as if she was beside him. The memory of the cold and brisk farewell gave him shivers. He should have said something, he should have been kinder. But now it was too late. She was gone forever.

Margaret spent the afternoon with her aunt, who kept running around the house frenetically. She kept buffing and sighing, cursing Milton and its residents. Despite her efforts, Margaret could not defend Milton and her friends; she had no strength of spirit to say anything, so she remained silent and obedient to her aunt. That night she could not sleep. The way Mr Thornton looked at her, reproved her, and judged her haunted her thoughts. He despised her, and now it was too late. He was gone forever.


	3. Chapter 3

The morning came, and John was still awake. The few birds inhabiting Marlborough Mills were twitting and singing, as well as the first factory workers of the morning shift. He opened the window in search for fresh air, with no result. The air outside was thick and heavy, just like his own mind. He washed his face in the basin next to his bed, trying to wipe off all the restlessness of his face. He looked at the mirror, and saw a bitter face.

Margaret sat on her bed when Dixon opened her door to bring her breakfast. They had booked the earliest train to London, so preparations should be made. The kind servant served her a tray and left, knowing that she wanted to be left alone. Margaret looked at the food and could not eat, a knot at her stomach prevented her. She rushed for fresh air from the window, but there was no wind. She felt fainting and searched for her salts in the drawer. When she faced herself on the mirror, she saw a bitter face.


	4. Chapter 4

John went straight to his office, without stopping by her mother's breakfast table as he usually did. He knew that she was aware of his feelings and any attempt of talking to her would be useless. She would blame Margaret for his misery; she would blame him for wanting her. He knew that her mother only wanted his best and yet, her comments were so harmful! He stopped by his window and saw a carriage. Was it her? Almost automatically, he closed it and looked away. He could not dare to see her again.

Margaret and her aunt got into the carriage to go to the train station. No words were spoken, but no words were needed. Margaret saw the streets that became her own home, the faces she so well knew. They passed through Marlborough Mills and she spotted Mr Thornton's window. It was closed, closed as her hopes, closed as her feelings. However, she felt relieved. She could not dare to see him again.


	5. Chapter 5

Thornton continued with his daily activities, as if the world had stagnated and was now repeating its patterns for all eternity. Complaining workers, broken machines, the Union, accidents, everything was the same. However, inside his mind, the chaos and the noise was worse than on the outside. He could not focus on his daily business. Not only because of the threat of strike or the perspective of a crisis, but also for the loss of his heart, which was now in London, in a grand house, sitting by a needlework table, resting her head on her hands.

After leaving Milton, everything changed for Margaret. The sky was brighter, the plants were greener, the air was cleaner. The noise and haste were changed for laughter and freshness. However, inside her mind, dark clouds were gathered, and headaches were now her friends. Not only because of the the amount of death she had seen, but also for the loss of her heart, which was now in Milton, in a factory office, sitting by a wooden table, resting his head on his hands.


	6. Chapter 6

While John was lost in his many thoughts, a sudden noise called his attention. His door opened slowly, and the sarcastic yet friendly face of Higgins appeared.

\- Sorry to bother, master, I 'ope it's fine.

\- Yes, Higgins, what do you want?

\- The lads are wondering, sir, if the cotton load from number 3 can be changed now.

\- Yes, sure, you know better – he answered dismissive.

Higgins, in his innocent cleverness, and a smirk, said:

\- The missus must be feeling the loss of our folk there in London. Who'd say a fine lass would fit with our people so well…

\- I wouldn't know, she probably forgot us by now – John answered, without realising to whom he was talking to.

Higgins noticed his feelings and thoughts, and left the room, allowing John to swirl in his thoughts.

Margaret was looking through the window now, imagining the streets of Milton. Suddenly, a high pitch voice called her attention, and the streets of London reappeared. It was her cousin Edith, running into the room.

\- Margaret, what are you doing here? Henry is downstairs, he wants to see you right now!

\- I'm sorry, Edith, I am not feeling well right now. Please, send him my regards.

Edith was distressed, since all her attempts to bring Henry and Margaret together were being ignored by her cousin.

\- Well, maybe you are not still over that dirty air of Milton… No wonder you are ill! And that people, maybe someone infected you!

\- No, surely not. I just miss it, that is all.

She left the room without looking back, not really worried about Margaret's health, allowing Margaret to swirl in her thoughts.


	7. Chapter 7

In the spur of the moment, John sat down in front of his desk. He grabbed some paper in front of him and started writing in a rush. "Dear Margaret". No, too personal. "Dear Mrs Hale". Was it proper? "Since now you have taken the position of Mr Bell, a meeting should take place to discuss business matters". Why would they meet? He could not simply beg her to see him; there must be a reason for this encounter. His business is failing, he is losing money. His mother misses her company. No, no one would believe that. Fanny requests a visit to her new house. That could be arranged, but he dreaded Margaret would not go. He had to see her. He threw away the paper. It was impossible.

Margaret sat down at her writing table. She was nervous, trembling. She chose her finest paper and started writing, almost decidedly. "Dear Mr Thornton". Was it proper? "I do not wish to bother your business; however, it seems necessary to have a meeting, since I am now in dear Mr Bell's place". Was this a good reason to meet him? What should she say? She knows nothing of mills and accounts and money. She could not simply ask to see him; there must be a reason for this encounter. She misses the company of his mother. No, no one would believe that. She wants to see Higgins, and give him a basket. That could be done, but Thornton might not be present. She had to see him. She threw away the paper. It was impossible.


	8. Chapter 8

The days passed by in a melancholic blur. John Thornton managed to focus on his mill, leaving behind his heart. Or that was he thought. Everyday the shadow of Margaret's presence hounted him, as a ghost from the past. He saw her in Higgins, he saw her on the girls passing by the street, he saw her in his own eyes facing the mirror. However, he was struggling with his finances, he would lose everything. His mill was a lost cause, as well as Margaret's love. The first he could endure, the latter he could not bare.

Eventually, the mill started to fail. Thornton's finances were crumbling in front of his own eyes. There was nothing he could do. On his last evening as master of the mill, he looked through the window and remembered the happy days he spent just a few months ago. They were not happy because there were no problems. They were happy because he had Margaret. Even though she was not his, only seeing her would bring joy to his grey day. "I'll go to the south" he thought. Margaret always spoke of the south as a blessing, a refreshing place where problems disappeared.

Margaret could not manage to focus on her daily activities. She was bored, angry, disappointed, in love. Everyday the shadow of John's presence hounted her. She saw him in the men on the street, she saw him in her books, she saw him in the her bank papers. Her focus now was to understand her business position and be a woman of means. That was her only connection with Milton, and her only connection with Thornton. The first she could live without, the latter she could not.

"I should have stayed", Margaret's conscience screamed. She read on the daily newspaper that morning that Milton would lose one of its biggest mills, Thornton's. It was economically unsustainable. All workers would be dismissed, and the buildings abandoned.

While Margaret was still musing about Milton, Henry appeared, with a smirk on his face. "It appears that you will have to find another tennant". His sarcasm stung Margaret's heart, and she turned to face Henry, her cheers flushed and her eyes shining in anger. He felt his mistake and apologised.

"Is there anything I can do for you?", he offered, taking her hand, which she removed quickly. "I can give you advice, I can help you to be independent". That idea called her attention. "Would you do that, Henry?" she asked, looking at his eyes. Independence, helping Thornton without anyone's interference, finding her own way back to Milton.

"Yes, why don't we sit down and study a solution? Maybe... a business proposition!"

[connects to the series, when Margaret goes to Milton and Thornton to Helstone]


End file.
